"Hot and heavy, pumpkin pie, chocolate candy, jesus christ"

 Although this post is hot and heavy, on sweet confections that is...you will not find pumpkin pie, chocolate candy, or jesus christ here - sorry! However, I promise the oodles of yums will not disappoint.

I think it is pretty obvious, I am by no means a pastry queen. My skillz in the kitchen are predominately of the savory kind. I can throw together a green monster of a soup or an apple wood smoked dulse mac and cheeze lettuce wrap in minutes and have it taste out of this world; my raw marinara sauce, fan-freaking-tastic. (I'm not bragging, honestly, it just happens...like divine-kitchen-intervention...)

Creamy Green Soup:

Apple Wood Smoked Dulse Mac & Cheeze Lettuce Wrap:

Are you listening Bobby Flay??? I'm ready for my throw down!

However, in the vast arena of raw desserts, I am not as blessed. Coming up with successful pastries that work is often more difficult then what I picture in my mind. Sure, they taste good -- it's not hard to make a tasty combination out of nuts and dates but, actually forming them into food that people want to eat? Well, that's a whole other ball game. And so it begins...

Some time around 1 am, when I know I should be sleeping, I quietly mosey on over to the kitchen and open the fridge- plotting. Unlike Daris from The Biggest Loser, my motives are not to stuff my face until four in the morning and sabotage my chances at winning $250,000- Jillian's words, not mine! Oh no, I gave up late night snacking long ago, I'm here purely for experimental reasons. (And, the fact that, well, I have a "Just Desserts" class coming up at the ENC and I want to make sure I'm super-prepared!)

Exhibit A:

Cacao Nib Walnut Butter Balls Rolled in Coconut

• 2 cups Walntuts
• 1 T Cacao Nibs
• 2 T Clear Agave
• Pinch of Sea Salt
• Shredded Coconut

To make the walnut butter you simply process them in the food processor for 2-3 minutes. The oil from the walnuts will begin to release and it will start to change from a powdery-flour to a butter. Add your raw clear agave as well as the pinch of sea salt and continue to process. Next, add in your cacao nibs until they are incorporated into the butter. Scoop out and form into balls. They should be rather gooey as that is what makes them so deliciously decadent. Roll in coconut flakes and then freeze or refrigerate depending on the desired texture you are seeking.

 Exhibit B: 

Oatmeal Pumpkin Seed Cookies Stuffed with Sweet Cashew Butter Cream 

Exhibit C:

Double Chocolate Layer Cake w/ a Deconstructed Cashew-Coconut Macaroon Center topped with

Chocolate Ganache and Coconut

Pardon the slightly mangled tin, lol!

Unfortunately, in order to get a photograph of the inside of this layer cake I would have also had to mangle the actual cake instead of just the tin, and I am pretty sure my client would not have been too thrilled. However, she did tell me that this cake is amazing. So, I guess we will all have to suffer without a picture. :-(

I was actually inspired to make this after meeting Ani Phyo, as she has some chocolate cake with chocolate ganache videos on youtube from her dessert book. Naturally, I had to twist it up and make it my own!

So maybe the world of desserts isn't too far out of my territory. After all, I used to man the dessert station at a very fancy restaurant for quite some time...however, I think I'll stick to dishes of the savory persuasion and leave the sweet treats to the masters...like whoever makes the doughnut holes at Au Lac... I'm going to have to go ahead and quote Bethenny Frankle here and say, "Holy Shitballs".